Shaking Fat Person Syndrome - Taking Up Space

A lot of heavy people have what I call “Fat Person Syndrome.”  It’s that belief that they’re not worthy that makes them slouch through life trying to be invisible and not take up any space.  Many fat people even buy tiny cars – have you noticed this?

Let me assure you of two things: 1) slouching and trying to hide does not make you any less fat, and 2) being fat does not make you any less lovable, no matter what our culture tells you.

This is a problem that has to be attacked on two fronts.  Taking off some of the weight can definitely help you feel better about yourself.  When we’re thinner, we naturally want to show off for the camera, go out more, ride on amusement park rides, and insist on a decent table at a restaurant.

But what if those natural impulses are at war with an inner belief that you’re not worthy?  If you don’t address the self-loathing inside that made you believe you needed to hide from the eyes of the world, there’s a conflict.  That conflict will inevitably lead to regaining the weight.

Answer any/all of these questions.  Write down your thoughts.  Discuss them with your therapist or a dear friend:

– Why do you feel unworthy?

– Who told you you were unworthy of love?

– What painful events in your past led you to start hiding?

– How did hiding serve you well in the past?

– Did it create safety for you, help you avoid unpleasant situations?

– How did hiding disserve you in the past?

– Did it deprive you of chances to enjoy life with others, to get up and celebrate the dance of life?

What would happen if you stopped shrinking away from attention?  You might be surprised.  When I was in high school, I was 40-45 pounds overweight my senior year.  Another girl was a good 100 pounds overweight.  I had Fat Person Syndrome, and she did not.  Guess who took more grief?  I did.  Me, with my shame, self-loathing, and attempts to hide, got mooed at in 6^th period.  She, with her bad skin, extra weight, confident attitude, kindness to others, good cheer, and head held high – no harassment I ever saw from anyone who knew her.  Hating myself just encouraged others to do the same.

There’s a saying, “No matter where you go, there you are.”  The same is true of weight loss.  You can change the physical conditions of your body, but that won’t change the emotional landscape within.  For that you need to do the work.  For that, you need to learn to love yourself.

And buy a big damn car.