Yes, there is something broken inside us. We don’t get to where our fat is making us crippled and miserable without having something broken inside. There are a whole range of things it could be – external, internal, spiritual, emotional, mental, past or present.
It doesn’t matter what it is. No matter what it is, you can find a way to heal.
I just read an article about a journalist who used very violent sex to heal her PTSD. Does that make sense? Maybe not. Would her therapist have recommended it? Almost certainly no. Did it work for her? Yes.
I’m not saying you need to get that extreme. What I am advocating is an extreme commitment to fixing yourself.
Is what’s broken outside you, in the current shape of your life? Then get a better job or break up with your crappy boyfriend. Move to a house without abusive neighbors. Whatever it is, take one small step every day to turn it around and get it out of your way.
Is what’s broken inside you? Track it down and do whatever it takes. Seriously. Whatever it takes. Think about what those words mean.
What are your alternatives? Are you happy? Are you as happy as you want to be? Do you feel free of mental/emotional shackles and able to step freely towards the life you want?
No?
Then it’s time to get creative. First sleuthing. Take an honest self-assessment look at your life, body, mind, emotions, and soul. Where are you disconnected? What are the tender places you shy away from? Where does your loneliness, grief, or anger live?
When you have a list of the things that feel damaged inside and outside you, take a deep breath. Look at the list, and let one item jump out at you. It may be an easy one, a baby step, like getting better shoes so you can go walking more. It’s okay to start building momentum with little foundational successes. It may be a harder one, like getting right with God again, that feels huge and makes you cry to contemplate but you know is the cornerstone you must have before you can move forward.
Take that one broken piece of you, and love it. It is you. It is perhaps the best of you. It has made you essentially yourself, human and flawed. It has crippled your progress so you can grow stronger. Bless it.
Ask it what it needs in order to be released. Brainstorm. Ask friends for ideas. Maybe going back to the church of your youth is too painful, but you can go to a temple first, to start reaching out a hand to the divine. Maybe you can’t afford therapy for your self-esteem issues, but you can work through a self-help book. You can’t go back and give yourself a happy childhood, but maybe you can buy coloring books and watch cartoons and love yourself.
Anything can work. Healing is a hologram. You can come at it from any direction. The direction doesn’t have to make sense – just give it a try and see what happens. The trick is to move energy in the direction of the problem. Give it your attention and love, and magic will happen.
If the first thing you try doesn’t work, keep going. Take another step. Try another tactic. Do not give up. You can change your life. You can radically change your life.
I believe in you.
Believe in yourself, and do whatever it takes.
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