When People Won't Shut Up

If you lose a lot of weight, there will be a prolonged period of time where every conversation you have with anyone starts with a discussion of your body.

Let that sink in for a minute.  Every conversation.  Your body. 

If you’ve got any urge to hide, inner shyness, shame about your weight, or sense of privacy, this is going to suck pretty quickly.  Yes, compliments are great.  Yes, some of us really adore them.  But even for the attention whores among us, it can get old in time.  (Right before it starts to taper off and you miss it like a junkie in withdrawal.)

No way exists to get this to stop happening, so don’t even bother trying.  You are not going to be able to “put the word out” that you don’t want to talk about it.  People are going to compliment you, and you need to find a way to put up with it.

My best advice is to accept the praise graciously.  Allow them a couple sentences if they’re an acquaintance, longer if they’re a closer friend.  Thank them, mention how hard you’ve been working or how thrilled you are.  Then change the subject.

The easiest subject segue is to counter with a personal compliment of your own.  Tell them how wonderful they look, admire their haircut or clothing.  If you suspect they’re going to be hard to deflect from the subject of your weight, you can move a bit into their personal space with the compliment.  Stroke their arm as you admire the fabric of their jacket, for example.  Be a little bit too excited about it.  The slightly intrusive personal attention will make them uncomfortable, and they’ll be more likely to jump on a neutral topic when you present one.

While you’re admiring their personal appearance, rack your brain for another conversational sally.  Take control of the conversation quickly while they’re figuring out what to do with how excited you are with their glasses or purse.  Ask them about work, school, the kids, that upcoming trip.  Ask follow-up questions.  It’ll only take a couple minutes to get conversation onto another track and then you can relax.

Sure, some people will come back to it.  Some people really want to know what you’re doing so they can do it too.  Of these people, most of them are just hoping you’ll say “I took a magic pill and my ass-fat went to live on Angelina Jolie.”  If they seem like they’d sincerely do some work, tell them how you did it.  Give them the info they need to follow in your footsteps.  If they’re the lazy dreamer, I loved the answer one woman would give about the Medifast diet: “I’m on a low-calorie, low-carb, low-fat diet.”  That’s just not attractive to most people—one of them they could consider, but all three?  Ouch!   I would say “I’ve been living on 900 calories a day for the last six months.”  That would also shut up most people, unless they wanted to dive in with a lecture about how I was killing myself.

As I said, it’s not possible to avoid the topic.  Try to handle it with grace and class.  Know that most people have good intentions and don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.  Smile and nod.  Say thank you.  If it’s really weighing you down and making you want to eat so you can avoid all the attention, go talk to a counselor about it.  Don’t let the congratulations of others make you stay fat.  Your health is worth working through this.