Imagine it’s your birthday, and you’re having a party. Someone has brought a lovely cake. One of your friends is allergic to wheat and you know she won’t be able to eat the cake. What do you do? Do you tell your friend to stay home because eating cake is the most important part of the day?
No. You most certainly do not. You tell your friend to come and eat what she can and celebrate the day with you. The cake is there as a pleasurable indulgence for those who choose to partake of it, not as a gauntlet that must be run by every person at the party to prove their love for you.
Remember this when you’re on the other side. The not-eating side. You’re at the event or special occasion for your friends or family members. You’re there to celebrate life, love, friendship, achievement, etc. Even if the event is a wine tasting, you’re not there for the wine. You’re there for the company and the enjoyment that being a social monkey around other social monkeys brings us.
This can be hard to keep track of, when everyone seems to be raising a glass at once, or eating pizza together. But in any large group, if you look more closely, you will find that some people are not partaking in whatever it is. If it’s alcohol, some people are designated drivers, some are sober, some don’t like the taste, and some don’t want the calories. If it’s pizza, some are allergic to tomatoes or wheat, some are lactose intolerant, some are vegan, and some don’t want the calories. Don’t focus on the majority and feel excluded. Instead focus on what you are sharing in—the fun.
Other people will lose sight of this on occasion. The deflection strategies discussed in the section on busybodies and food pushers will help. But you can also be more direct—“I’m here for my friends, not the food. I hope that’s okay with you.” It would take a lot of nerve for someone to reply that it wasn’t okay.
Remember the upside. As they’re all getting drunk and fatter, you get to watch them get stupid with a crystal-clear memory of everything they say and do. And tomorrow, you’ll be fitting in smaller jeans while they’ll be moaning about how they shouldn’t have.
You get the exact same experience of love, companionship, and celebration, without the extra calories.
This thought has definitely been at the forefront of my mind and it has helped so much. I was afraid to give up alcohol for a diet program because it's a major part of being social. But I had a roommate once who was 5 years sober and couldn't touch a drop. She always came with us to our various events, bringing along her virgin Martinelli's or Monster drinks for her version of fun. I thought, if she can modify her expectations of what fun means for her goals, so can I!
ReplyDeleteIt also helped me when I went to a party the other day. Snack food was everywhere. But I knew I had my own little snacks in my purse. I got a little bit of friendly teasing, but all in all, it was just as fun as if I had been eating the deep fried calamari and hot wings--and my body feels better, too.
Awesome post, thanks for sharing! Love it.
ReplyDeleteWhen will your book be fully published?
ReplyDeleteHey Karen! Thanks for asking!!! September. Definitely September. I had been hoping August, but it's been an exciting summer.
ReplyDeleteOne more chapter to write, then overall cleanup and some late additions to earlier chapters.