Do Whatever it Takes to Get Whole

Yes, there is something broken inside us.  We don’t get to where our fat is making us crippled and miserable without having something broken inside.  There are a whole range of things it could be – external, internal, spiritual, emotional, mental, past or present.

It doesn’t matter what it is.  No matter what it is, you can find a way to heal.

I just read an article about a journalist who used very violent sex to heal her PTSD.  Does that make sense?  Maybe not.  Would her therapist have recommended it?  Almost certainly no.  Did it work for her?  Yes.

I’m not saying you need to get that extreme.  What I am advocating is an extreme commitment to fixing yourself.

Shaking Fat Person Syndrome - Taking Up Space

A lot of heavy people have what I call “Fat Person Syndrome.”  It’s that belief that they’re not worthy that makes them slouch through life trying to be invisible and not take up any space.  Many fat people even buy tiny cars – have you noticed this?

Let me assure you of two things: 1) slouching and trying to hide does not make you any less fat, and 2) being fat does not make you any less lovable, no matter what our culture tells you.

This is a problem that has to be attacked on two fronts.  Taking off some of the weight can definitely help you feel better about yourself.  When we’re thinner, we naturally want to show off for the camera, go out more, ride on amusement park rides, and insist on a decent table at a restaurant.

Choose Your Transfer Addictions Wisely

On a lighter note, yes, many of us have been addicted to food in one way or another.  Food has taken up a lot of our time: thinking about it, planning what to eat next, shopping, cooking, restaurants, savoring the meal.

Suddenly it’s taking up less of our time.  It’s not being the focus of our attention.  Worse, it’s not performing its old function anymore, as a cure for boredom, loneliness, anger, grief, etc.  Now what do we do with ourselves?

We need to find transfer addictions.  Have you ever noticed how many people at AA meetings smoke?  They’ve transferred one addiction to another.  Yes, of course, we should endeavor to cure ourselves of having addictive personalities at all.  But not only does that sound like hard and boring work, it may also be completely futile.  So whether you call them “hobbies” or “transfer addictions,” you need to stay on top of the selection process.

It's Not a Sin, It's a Food Choice

Somewhere along the way we ended up with all this moral context around our food choices.  A Ding Dong isn’t just a stupidly sweet petroleum product we occasionally opt to eat.  Instead, it’s wickedly delicious, a sinful treat.  What exactly is “sinful” about it? 

It's not really “good” or “bad” to eat a certain food, right? It's just a food choice. Different foods have different effects on our bodies. Some fuels are healthy for our engines, like gasoline, and some are not, like shampoo. It's smarter to run our cars on gasoline and avoid shampoo, but not “good.”

The Science of Figuring Yourself Out

Roasted salted nuts have a trigger effect on me.  It’s the classic “one is too many and a thousand isn’t enough” problem.  I can’t try one and be satisfied.  If I have one, I will obsess about them until I binge and realize that I have no control over nuts at all.

Carbohydrates have a physical effect on me.  After eating too many carbs at once, it’s no longer a matter of will power or what’s on my food plan.  My body has some sort of blood sugar meltdown.  I eat more carbs for a while, and then I switch to protein.  I eat lots of protein, trying to get my blood sugar restabilized.  No matter what I eat later, after I have that big dose of carbs the rest of the day is shot.  It’s a different feeling from craving a particular food, or being triggered by one food.  It’s a physical thing that happens with my metabolism, especially when I’ve been low-carbing it. 

The important thing for you is that you avoid the shame spiral when you’ve eaten off your food plan. 

Not Eating Around Busybodies and Food Pushers

Restaurants are easy.  Your hostess’s five-course meal, the pizza party at work, the drinks at the bar, or the cupcakes one of the other moms made for a class party – these are hard.  Because each of them comes with food pushers, sabotagers, invested givers, and busybodies.  These people are a problem, no doubt about it.

Somehow, these people have decided that it is their business what you put in your mouth.  They’ve come to the conclusion that you’re rejecting them if you reject their food.  They think you’re the enemy of fun if you don’t drink with them.

Well, honestly, they may be right.  You might indeed be the enemy  of fun. 

Small Goals, One Day at a Time, Rewards

You need to lose fifty or a hundred or three hundred pounds.

Wow.

That’s a really big number.  That’s a horrifying number.  That’s an impossible number.

Make it less intimidating.  Break it down into smaller pieces, and lure yourself along to one small achievement at a time.

Many people find that having smaller goals lets them set their sights on something that seems achievable.  It’s not a hundred pounds, it’s ten pounds ten times.  And then it’s not even ten pounds ten times, it’s this ten pounds.  Just ten pounds, looking no further than that.  They set their tickers to reflect a ten pound goal and call it “Goal #2.”  They manage themselves so they don’t freak out about the giant task ahead.